Life and Times

Corporate Filmse now

2008-01-17T00:54:00.000+05:30

So after sayin bye bye to KK, I started working with Tushar Ajgaonkar.

I had met Tushar when I had come to Mumbai in 2002 after completing my engineering. We used to live in a small room in a slum in Andheri and used to think of making it big in the media industry.

Tushar was very clear about becoming a film director from those days. I obviously thought getting into advertising itslef was a big deal. In any case, Tushar and I drifted apart when I left for Gurgaon to do an MBA. We kept in touch sporadically through the odd fone call or orkut scrap.

Around the time I was contemplating quitting KK, I called Tushar and learnt that he was now working at an ad film production house. I met up with him and learnt that he had recently started his own small company within the same production house and was looking to make a documentary. He asked me to join him and I agreed coz I was anyways done with KK and his shit work.

So we started working together. In the last 3 months or so, we have made one documentary and 3 corporate AVs. Have learnt quite a bit about the entire film making process on these projects.

So looks like its gonna be corporate films for a while now...dunno how I am gonna get back into feature films any time soon. But am liking the work I am doing here right from scripting to shooting to editing. Also, finally am earning some money. Thats a nice change!

Bollywood Virgin...Screwed for 3 months

2007-10-29T18:26:00.000+05:30

Pickin' up from where I trailed off last time...

So I talked to Deepti (ex-Mercer colleague), who put me onto Aastha (works at Sony Television) who put me onto KK (a director who shall not be named in any further detail!)

I call up KK on Sunday 1st July, and am asked to come over immediately. So I land up at KK's office (a 1 BHK apartment in Vile Parle) and am asked to wait in the reception area. Its full of posters from his previous film (a cop-gangster saga which I had liked), stacks of film reels, shooting lights and related film production paraphernalia. The place inspires me and I feel a twirl in my tummy...this is where it starts then, I hope...

I am called in and am in a small room and am face to face with the director KK...a 30 something guy, tall, be-spectacled...with a huge rack of books behind him...on film and sundry subjects. I am impressed as I sit down after saying hello. I am asked why I want to become a director and I give the standard "I want to tell stories" cliche which gets accepted without any elaboration. Next am asked my favourite films and I go kinda hazy on the films I have loved and watched umpteen repeats of... so amongst other randomly mumbled film names I also mention 'No Entry' as a film I liked...which is met with a smirk (which I was gonna see 10,000 times over the next 3 months). The questioning is short and am made an offer (which I should have refused)

KK-"Ashish, I have my team in place already...I basically need someone to 'hustle' around for me".
Me- "Hustle? What would I be expected to do?"
KK-"Basically your job is to keep me from getting irritated. You will ensure that, do everythin that is required...do the running around and in the process you'll learn filmmaking"
Me (excited)-"OK" (what was I thinking!)
KK-"I wont be paying you for the 1st month... I have an attitude problem, so if we gel in the coming month and you prove to be indispensable to the scheme of things here, we'll take it beyond this month and we'll look at some sort of payment for you thereon."
Me-"Okay Sir, when can I start?" (The words I regret the most thus far in my life...)
KK-"Tomorrow" (and that sealed my fate for the coming 3 months)

So I started working for KK from the next day...did part-time lectures in the morning to earn a living...worked at his office for the rest of the day. My 3 month stint here can be divided into 2 broad categories -

First the good part -Film related work (10% of the time):
- Sat on shot divisions with VK (Associate Director)
- Witnessed discussions between KK and VK about how to stage sequences (good fun watching foreign films for reference...and positioning small GI-Joe type toys for simulation)
- Sat on budgeting for the film (realised that KK stand to make 50 lakhs minimum from the film but somehow cant afford to pay me a few thousands)
- Did costing for fight sequences after detailed deliberations with fight masters (some of who looked like gangsters themselves)
- Coordinated with actors for meetings

Now the bad (understatement!) part-Non-Film related work (90% of the time):
- Typing out long SMSs on my mobile phone and forwarding them to KK so he may forward them to his contacts
- Maintaining detailed excel sheets to keep track of how much potatoes, tomatoes, milk, etc we are using up in the office
- Sorting out accounts for the last 2 years
- Making excel sheets of how much Rice, Dal, Aata, etc needs to be bought for the coming month, keeping track of how much is being utilised, etc
- Ensuring that the entire office shifting (we shifted to Andheri in September) happens seamlessly...arranging transporters, carpenters, cleaners, painters, plumbers, etc
- Paying electricity bills, telephone bills, pest control bills, newspaper bills and any other kinds of bills

The 3 months were punctuated with a couple of discussions with KK when my frustration would peak everytime a new month would stare before me with little hope of improvement work quality or chances of getting paid. Also was told that KK was not interested in making me an Assistant Director (AD) even when the film eventually started...

Meanwhile I started realising what it mades to be treated like shit...my days were hell with nothing going the way I had hoped...But still I persisted...hoping that the film would start soon, that my work profile would improve once it did, that KK's attitude would change (maybe he is a troubled soul due to the delay in filming)...

The final nail in the coffin was after we'd finally set up the new office...I had worked non-stop for 26 days doing nothing but shit...and KK comes shouting at me coz there was no soap in the toilet...that did it for me and I decided to quit...but didnt have the balls to say that to his face.

A couple of days later...I asked him that its been 3 months and I would like to know if I'd get paid for October. KK smirked (the same repulsive one)...and said that he wasnt sure if the film would start the next day, week or month...and that I should start looking out if I wished...

I knew that the film was on the verge of taking off...but I sat down and analyzed...

Do I admire KK?
As a director-Yes. As a person - No way. So even if the film were starting tomorrow, I didnt want to be working under someone who I didnt respect at a moral level.

Even if I dont like him, shouldnt I stay back for the learning?
Well I would have if I was told that I'd be an AD...all I got was an ambiguous - "You will not have a designation...but I'll ensure you learn filmmaking in the next 6 months..." While this sounded great when it was first said...having seen the man for 6 months, I was gettin more and more sure that it was a load of bull, and all I would do was do shit work when the film goes on the floors...

So, what the fuck am I doing here?
Called up people looking out for new leads and was out of that godforsaken office for good within 3 days.

I join a friend and start work on a documentary...(more about it in my next post)

1 week later I get a call from KK-"Ashish, pre-production for the film has started". He hangs up before I can respond. The man loves to play games, he expects me to go begging to him to be taken in the team. I choose not to respond. A day later KK gets desperate (I CHOOSE to think so :)) and calls again - "Ashish, the work has started and you could learn a lot here. You will get what you are earning in the new place." I decline the offer and it feels sweet...finally to have shown some spine and defiance...something I thought I'd never be able to show KK...

Post-facto Analysis:
Hypotheses A: Maybe I quit because after all my bloated MBA ego came in the way. Was always told that one has to do ground work initially in the industry.
Counter Argument: Dont mind doing ground work...I can sweep sets, arrange costumes, pick up film cans...but give me shit work related to the film. Dont treat me as an office boy. Anyways, people from the industry told that I was being exploited beyond normal.

Hypothesis B: KK is a bad man.
Counter Argument: None

Kahaani...yahaan se...FILMY hai!

2007-08-29T20:24:00.000+05:30

The worst part about leaving your job is that u lose out totally on internet access. Just like brushing and potty every morning, it was almost second nature to get into office everyday, check my inbox and log onto the world wide web. But when u've quit, it suddenly dawns upon u that the WWW u took for granted all these years is suddenly out of bounds. Now to connect into the virtual world...you have to go to a dingy cyber cafe, wait for 20 minutes (which I spend watching college kids send "Whats up babe/dude...wanna be my friend" scraps on Orkut), sweat profusely as you type out a nice detailed post and then pull your hair out as the system crashes at the opportune moment when you are gonna click "PUBLISH POST"...leaving you sweaty, frustrated and poorer by 20 bucks...

Apart from the lack of virtual connectivity...there are a lot of other things that also dawn upon u after u've quit. Like for instance, the fact that you wont have your salary in your bank account at the end of the month...

But lemme type out the vital dope first (even as I pray that the system here doesnt crash before I post this)

So after I quit on 11th May (which became 15th May eventually), I went off on a 10 day holiday to the Vipassana centre in Igatpuri. The prime motivation being a 10 day break from smoking. Was an awesome experience...but the thought of it leaves me reeling under tremedous guilt...since I promptly started smoking when I came back to Mumbai and secondly coz I just havent been able to practise the meditation technique learnt there.

After coming back, I started reading "Robert McKee's STORY" to understand how movie scripts are written. The game plan was to understand the basics of film-making before getting into the thick of things. Did some asking around about the Film & TV Production course at XIC and finally decided against spending 10 months doing a theoretical course. Decided to study film making at home by watching movies, reading books. Found a job with TIME Institute of Management Education as part-time English faculty. So was taking English lectures for MBA aspirants in the morning and was lazing at home for the rest of the day...

A month later, I found that I had become a sloth. So decided that this was not working out...and that it was time to find work as an Assistant Director.

Again Paulo Coelho Saheb's conspiracy theory played its part and within a day or two I was in a film director's office getting interviewed.

Last Hurrah in Corp-Land

2007-05-11T12:07:00.000+05:30

11th May, 2007: Today is my last day at Madison Teamworks. I still remember my first day in this office on 17th July, 2006. It was my first day in the media industry. I had just quit a nice payin consulting job at Mercer and I was sure that I was finally on the road to achieving my destiny and success. But here I am starting a new journey... again... from scratch... my MBA batch mates have moved way ahead in their journey and I am yet to even start mine. My only solace - They are running the wrong race (an assumption I am so used to that now am sure it is true.)

Anyways, I will start taking part-time classes in TIME institute from Sunday... have to buy the XIC form also. Am already down to 3K in my bank a/c. And have the next 20 days of the month to go... ohh shit there's no salary comin at the end of this month! Need money for: Getting my root canal and Tooth extraction done, goin to Igatpuri for the Vipasana Course, eating, living, etc.

Anyways.. bring on the hard times, wats life if I havent seen some of it!!!

Alea Iacta Est

2007-04-20T10:51:00.000+05:30

Yes the die has been cast I guess!

After the paranormal phenomenon :) described with much intensity in my previous post (the one before the Steve Jobs Stanford speech), normally I would have taken a chill pill and gotten back to life.

But somehow I have stuck by it and I submitted my resignation on 11th April. I chose this hallowed date as Nanhe Jaisalmer was supposed to release on 11th May. Hence, that would mean that I quit on the day my first project is released in the thetares with my humble contribution to its marketing in terms of a couple of events and a newspaper tie-up. Later, the release date of Nanhe got postponed even further but thankfully my relieving date from MATES still remains the same... 11th May.

This was followed by a trip home, broke down in front of Ma and Baba. Explained how fucked up every day at work was, that I couldnt tolerate the dreariness and boredom of corporate life. Ma understood and sympathised, Baba told me not to lose mental peace and I was back in Mumbai with a big load off my chest.

So, in all likelihood after spending more than 9 months here in MATES, I will be leaving without seeing the release of a single project I have worked on. All the films that I worked on ran into one sort of thing or the other.

Jaan-e-mann: Made detailed marketing plan but Sajid Nadiadwala decided to do the marketing on his own, the movie flopped even though it was far better than DON which basically killed Jaan-e-mann with its SRK led marketing blitz
Om Shanti Om: Made as many as 9 versions of presentations detailing out our strategy for SRK's Diwali 2007 release. The plan was presented to director Farah Khan and executive producer Bobby Chawla. Both ho-hummed through it and we were told that it needs to be presented to Shahrukh Khan and we've been trying to meet the man for 3 months now
Babul, Water, Naya Daur: Countless meetings with Sanjay Bhutiani at B R Films office and countless chais, a few more meetings with Sanjay Bhutiani at J W Marriott and some coffee... loads of presentations, hours of discussions but nothing fell in place. What a waste... but then I was getting used to the routine of planning and not seeing execution...
Nanhe Jaisalmer: The film was supposed to be released in December 06.. made plans, film got postponed. Film supposed to be released in April 07... made plans, film got postponed. Film supposed to be released in May 07... made plans, film got postponed. Now, I have no idea when the film will release.
Mera Bharat Mahaan: Made detailed plan, presnted, created media tie-ups... and the film got postponed. Now the film is goin on floors in May but I will be out of this place by then.

So the following conclusions can be drawn:
Normal Conclusion: I need to stick around longer coz things in the film industry are inherently uncertain and hence take time
Para-normal conclusion: God doesnt want me to see success in this job coz then I will not think of quitting and following my film-making dreams. The message is loud and clear: Go out and achieve your dreams.

As always, the question is about choice, what you want to believe and what you want to dismiss as utopian illusions. I, quite expectedly, choose the paranormal conclusion... and hence the resignation was sincerely typed out and given to my boss.

So now that the die has been cast where does it leave me post 11th May 2007?
First things first, it leaves me without a job. How do I plan to tackle this?

Optimal situation:
- I get admission to the 9 month Film and TV production course at Xavier's Institute of Communications.
- I get a nice part-time job in a CAT training institute or a HR Training company
- I earn good money working 3-4 hours a day, watch lots of movies, read lots of books on film-making and attend my course
- I write a couple of scripts too :)

Sub-Optimal situation:
- I dont get admission to the XIC course
- I join a director/editing studio and slog it out

In either scenario, life will change drastically after 11th May.. and I am excited about it!!!

Coming back to the quote that triggered it all of:
"When you really want something, the whole world conspires to help you achieve it"

I was expecting Ram Gopal Verma and Farhan Akhtar to come begging at my doorstep but that hasnt quite happened yet. However, what has happened is that lot of people from the film industry have mailed back to my queries on Ryze. Small words of encouragement from these people mean a lot.

Sudeep has offered to take half the load of the 5000 per month insurance deposit - a sword that hangs on my neck for another 2 years. Met an ex-colleague Suchismita Burman from Mercer out of nowhere, was offered monetary help upfront... declined. She is now helping me with contacts for a part-time job as well as contacts in the film industry.

Accha lagta hai :)

I could read this a 100 times... and a few time more

2007-03-16T14:30:00.000+05:30

Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out? It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example: Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating. I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life. During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now. This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Show me the sign!

2007-02-28T16:33:00.000+05:30

Last night I sat thinking what I was doing, where my career was headed etc etc...

I have been through such contemplations almost as many times as I have tried quitting smoking... and both activities had been equally futile and worthless given my lack of decision and action... so I set about on my fantasy flight (and self-serving intellectual rumination) about what I should be doing to be really life happily...

I theorized that as humans, there are some things which we do to earn money.. we call that a job, for e.g a programmer coding away 8 hours per day at Infosys, an I-banker analysing an M&A project for a client or a copy writer thinking up concepts for selling soap... All these activities are done for the benefit of others, and hence they get paid for their services.

After spending about 80% of the day in such pursuits, humans return home and feel the need for something which relaxes them, makes them happy.. something that sets them free for a while.. before returning to the shackles of their well-paying jobs! These few moments are when humans indulge in art... music, movies, photography, painting, etc. Art is what helps them tolerate the next day at the job...

So that brings me to the people whose job itself is art? Arent they lucky coz they get to do full time what normal people can only afford to do for like 5 % of their lives? Do they feel the need to unwind and chill-out so that they feel rejuvenated enuff to 'endure' the next day at work... or do they just rest before they can 'enjoy' the next working day?

I had thought I had taken a giant leap towards self-actualization by leaving my consulting job and joining this entertainment agency at half the salary. But after 8 months here and with not much work happening, I am forced to contemplate again. I am trying to tell film makers that I will market their films. So I am googling, thinking a bit, making presentations and calling up channels. Now thats not very different from what I was doing during HR consulting (except that there I was calling up HR managers). So, are all jobs.. at the end of the day just jobs? I thought so.

So, I have two options... either accept that I will spend 8-10 hours per day doing my job, get paid for it and spend about an hour enjoying the arts (movies, music, books, etc)... or I stop having a job and move into something which is a 100% creative profession. I have to become an assistant director (AD).. and slog for donkey years and hopefully direct my own film someday!

What a preposterous idea! I am such an idiot... how can I throw away an engineering+MBA degree and become an AD who maybe sorts costumes for actors and cleans sets for a film? How do I expect to survive at the pittance ADs get? What about all the aspirations and hopes my family has from me? How will I live without those occasional shopping sprees and dinners? How can I be so hopelessly romantic about life and build up such illusions of utopia? Had I lost all sense of reason and pragmatism?

These thoughts were similar to the ones I had when I quit my job as a content writer at JAM Magazine and went to pursue my MBA. And an MBA I did... but I am still ranting about the same frustrations 4 years down the line. Would life have been different if I'd stuck to that job as a content writer? Would I have evolved into atleast a scriptwriter in these 4 years? Did I simply waste time doing that MBA coz I've already chucked its benefits by opting for my current job? When faced with such a barrage of questions (which have a common answer - U STUPID!!!), I generally switch off and go for a smoke... and I did.

So, last night, while I smoked my 1000th 'last' cigarette, I randomly browsed through my contacts list and came to a name Sunaina. Now this gal is a one of my b school fren's girlfriend. She went off to UK to pursue a course at the London School of Economics (LSE). After her course she came back to India and wanted to join media. So my friend asked me to speak to her and guide her. This was 2 months back.. she spoke to me and I told her about the various options available, etc etc. Since quite some time had passed I called her to check whether she had landed a job. And she tells me that she is an AD with Imtiaz Ali. I was pleasantly shocked... she was doing what I wanted to do! Suddenly she was the mentor and I was the newcomer asking for directions in her industry. But we couldnt talk much as she was in a rickshaw and the traffic noise was too much.

I returned home after the smoke and as I lay in bed... I started thinking about becoming an AD. The shooting, the locations, the script...creative orgasm... I was having spasms as I twisted and turned in bed... God, what was happening. I felt like running out on the roads and screaming with joy! But I controlled myself and went off to sleep...

This morning it was back to my job, another day of nothingness at the office, as everything I am working for is on 'hold'. Yet another day... and I had forgotten most of last nites thoughts!

And then suddenly I remebered not having finished my conversation with Sunaina. So I called her... she was at work, so I asked her where she was working. She said "VIP plaza".. I was like "Thats my office building!!!" And then in 5 minutes she was down and we were talking. I learnt about her initial struggle and how she landed the AD job with Imtiaz Ali. She was looking at the casting department and was finalizing actors for the various roles (apart from the lead actors Shahid and Kareena Kapoor). I felt inspired n I told her to look out for something similar for me...

I came back to my cubicle and in some time got a call from a friend Tushar. He and I had lived together and shared our passion for creative work during my days at JAM magazine. Tushar had always been more focussed than me and is already doing a lot of photography while studying films as he wanted to become a director (even while he does his job as a brand manager). Tushar informed me that he had quit this job (he was doin it till now to support his family) and was getting into film-making full time. Infact he was at Famous Studios looking for an opportunity in editing. I told him that I wanted to meet him and we decided that this weekend would be a good idea.

Another hour passed by and suddenly I got a scrap alert from Orkut? It was a 'Hello.. howz u.. long time' type scrap.. but it was the first from a guy called Nitin. He had been a friend at school.. we lost touch for about 10 years and then about 6 months back I came to know he was in media and most recently had been an AD on Mighty Heart (Daniel Pearl's story). I immediately called him up, we chatted a bit about school and we decided that we should meet up this weekend, when he would be back in Mumbai from Nasik.

I came back to my cubicle after the chat and sat down....

And suddenly it struck me like a bolt of lightning...
I had spoken to Sunaina after a gap of 2 months...
Tushar had called me after maybe more than a month...
Nitin Gaikwad had scrapped me for the first time and the last time I spoke to him was more than 3 months back...

And all 3 of them were into film making.. 2 of them were already ADs. What a coincidence.. 3 people, who dont know each other, who belong to different sets of people I have known at different times in my life... they all chose today to enter my life again on the very same day! I got a strange feeling... almost as if I was standing at the center of the universe...

I remember Paulo Coelho's line in The Alchemist-"If you really want something, the entire universe conspires to help you achieve it"! Was this a conspiracy... by God? Are these signs of where I should look for my destiny?

When will the guns start blazing?!!!

2007-01-24T17:39:00.000+05:30

So I guess my blog has become a place which I visit every 3 months or so...
Ok now its 6 months in media.. and nothin much has happened... may be I should stop cribbing like this, I mean I aint no Sameer Nair or Tarun Katial (yet) to be doing big launches and announcements on a daily basis... its gonna be a while before I start seeing my name on agencyfaqs and exchange4 media... and the sooner I reconcile to this fact, the better it is for me...

So the point is that things havent moved much in the last 3 months... am still hoping the B R films confirm the release dates for Water and Naya Daur... am still hoping Eros finalizes the release date for Nanhe Jaisalmer... and am still hoping that someday I'll be able to present the Om Shanti Om plan to Shahrukh Khan... in between have made umpteen other presentations... and yeah executed this deal with ESPN for Bhagambhag... hardly any portfolio of work for my 6 months in media...

The next 6 months... am hoping that the above hopes get fulfilled... and am hoping that atleast one of the AFPs works out... have Crossword, Asian Paints, Coke and X Box on my radar for that. And am hoping that I get some creative satisfaction... am hoping that I get a nice idea for that absolutely amazing script that I've been wanting to write for a while now.... and am hoping that I will have to stop worrying about money...

Got frustrated with this place about a week ago and started preparing my resume... applied to a couple of places.. got a call for the post of Manager - Film Marketing from Shemaroo... decided to chicken out as I was not confident I'll be able to manage such responsibility yet... then the Boss sensed the frustration (actually the accountant here turned out to be a mole and he went and told the boss that I was printin my resume)... so a discussion about my intentions... Boss gave me advice about why I should be patient and stick around... why I am a good employee coz I have passion (which is rare to find...) and finally why she needs to be sure that I will stick around so that she can invest in me (in terms of job responsibility and exposure)... and then the demand that I should be signing a 2 year contract....

Then I go about how much I respect her words and the fact that she sees me as a crucial part of the organization... the cribs about nothing moving workwise and the abysmally low salary levels and the fact that my peers have moved way ahead monetarily...

A couple of days down the line, I negotiated the contract period to 1 year and asked for a 9 lakh salary... from a current salary of 3.6 lakhs... had arrived at 9 lakhs after three sleepless nights wonderin what was I worth... Boss expectedly flipped... but not as much as I'd imagined... we discussed and then I used a few wrong words.. and it started looking like all i wanted to do was earn the 9 lakhs, serve out the notice period and push off to more lucrative opportunities...Well the boss is currently in Goa and the decision would be closed on Monday... in all likelihood she's gonna ask me to sign for 2 years... am wonderin what to do in that scenario... is 2 years too long a period to be tied down to an organization... My Dad worked at the same place for frickin 30 years... should I take that as an inspiration or a lesson I should learn from.. I'll never know...

All I know is that I'd ideally like to work hard... do good work... work with fun people.. nice people.. fair people... earn lots of money...know that I'll never be taken advantage of... but I dont feel like that here... yet... so wat shud I do... but then does anyone anywhere ever feel like that??? But atleast I'm respected here... my efforts are lauded and my work appreciated... would 2 years be too long a period to commit.,..

I guess it boils down to trust... beleif that I'll be treated fairly and not be exploited... and the only way they can show that to me is by paying me what I deserve... so lets see what happens on Monday...

All Guns Blazing... I Hope

2006-10-13T14:42:00.000+05:30

By next week, it will be 3 months in media. Sometimes I wonder why I am even counting... its not like I will quit this industry even if I dont make it in 5 years... but maybe I am in a hurry. But whatever it is... its good to reflect a bit now and then...

So, here I was trying to get my agency into film marketing. The business model was to become the equivalent of an ad agency for Indian Films. So, we would be the people who would get a brief about the film from the producer (just like an ad agency would from a brand manager). From there onwards it would be unto us to promote the film through everything possible within the budget allocated to us. But this was utopia... as not even 1% of this actually happens. Film marketing works through a chaotically synergistic process involving jugaad, pehchaan, connections and dosti-yaari.

We realized that it would be unrealistic to expect to enter a film producer's office and say, "Hi. Can we market your film? We will handle everything including the 1 crore you plan to spend on media. We are good you know coz we are from Madison". The producer would obviously be like, "Huh? Whose son?"

So it had to be one step at a time... firstly to get into the comfort zone of the producer, and secondly to slowly build a portfolio of work on which to picth further and expand upon. So the area my boss identified was "Media Tieups" which was around the time I joined in. Media tie-ups would essentially be stuff like "MTV - Kabhi Alvida Na Keha Special" or "Dainik Bhaskar - Press Partner for Fanaa", etc. Frankly I liked the idea of rolling out an entirely new function, something that doesnt exist in India.

So, I started calling various channels from Star to Yahoo to Rajasthan Patrika to Nat Geo. They werent too enthusiastic coz, one, everyone hates agencies (saale commission khaakar guzara karte hain) and secondly, they saw no value that we could bring to the table. They were happy directly talking to producers, cutting a deal, and promoting the film. So obviously we thought, jab ghee seedhi ungli se nahin nilkle toh ungli tedhi karni chahiye... So we decided to get into an arrangement with the producer so that the media channels are compelled to speak to us. So here we were in Sajid Nadiadwala's office trying to convince him to let us do media tie-ups for his 35 crore film 'Jaanemann'. I had made a detailed plan which he didnt look at for more than 30 secs and said.. "yeh sab toh theek hai. You guys go ahead". I was elated about my first real project. So in full enthu I called MTV and NDTV, sent them the film's synopsis and asked them for their plans. I was feeling good and was planning a huge 360 plan across print, news, internet, telecom, viral, events and what not. And then a week later I realised that both MTV and NDTV had gone and met Sajid directly and finalised their deals. This was not happening!

Thankfully at that time, the Branded Entertainment (BE) Awards Summit came up and I immersed myself in 21 straight days of case writing and PPT making on projects that we had done on product integrations in various films (thats the other function here apart from Celebrity Management). The hours were killing, but it wasnt that tough completing fourteen case studies (each around 10 pages) and 11 PPTs given an MBA, a year and a half in consulting, and I guess a propensity to just 'gas around'. And we got 3 awards (all Golds) to show for it. Ofcourse most of the credit goes to the guys who actually executed the work, but it was nice to see my case studies and PPTs appreciated by hot shot judges and the audience alike. They even put my picture here: http://www.mediae2e.com/besummithome.html

(The MATES team, me 2nd from right! The other great person in the pic is obviously Sam Balsara in the centre ;)

(To be continued... Pakk gaya likhte likhte... am sure u r feeling the same way by now :)

2006-10-06T14:37:00.000+05:30

Rajnikant ki Jai!

Freaking out on 'Freakonomics'

2006-09-20T10:45:00.000+05:30

"... an immutable law of labor: when there are a lot of people willing and able to do a job, that job generally doesn't pay well. This is one of four meaningful factors that determine a wage. The others are the specialized skills a job requires, the unpleasantness of a job, and the demand for services that the job fulfills.

The delicate balance between these factors explains why, for instance, the typical prostitute earns more than the typical architect. It may not seem as though she should. The architect would appear to be more skilled (as the word is usually defined) and better educated (again, as usually defined). But little girls dont grow up dreaming of becoming prostitutes, so the supply of potential prostitutes is relatively small. Their skills, while not necessarily "specialised", are practised in a very specialised context. The job is unpleasant and forbidding in at least two significant ways: the likelihood of violence and the lost opportunity of having a stable family life. As for demand? Let's just say an architect is more likely to hire a prostitute than vice versa."

- "Freakonomics", Steven D. Levitt, pg. 105-106

So Far So Good...

2006-09-15T18:57:00.000+05:30

2 months in media... and I've loved every bit of it....

Some key insights about this job and the previous one (consulting):

Boss in consulting: This is a very critical project for us Ashish
Boss in media: Ashish, this shit is fuckin' big man!

Client in consulting: The deliverables were well achieved Mr. Biswas
Client in media (top film-maker): Sahi re... Ma c*** daali!

My 'to-do list' in consulting:
Decide SBU level variables for the Incentive system, decide weightages
Send mail to Ying Pee Lung on workforce strategy trends, attrition rates and sectoral performance of Indian Manufacturing Sector
Prepare proposal for Airport privatisation

My 'to-do list' in media:
Meet Sajid and prepare plan for 'Jaanemann'
Check with NDTV on DON promotion plan
Call Prax and figure out integration with Roadies 4

Events attended in Consulting:
Rick Payne workshop on International Position Evaluation methodology
Seminar on Key HR challenges in Asia
Workshop on: India v/s China: Imperatives and Impediments

Events attended in Media:
Premiere show of "My Super-ex girlfriend"
Special show of "Pya ke Side Effects"
Branded Entertainment Awards (will happen tomorrow)

All in all, this seems like much more fun! Thats not to say that consulting was a crap job, but it just wasnt for me!

Am the latest clown in the Media Circus....

2006-08-22T17:33:00.000+05:30

Wanted to write a long detailed post... however I realised that I have been meaning to post for a month now but was not gettin around to doin it. So the incentive came in the form of a couple of friends complaining about seeing the same shit on the blog... So here's the NEW SHIT!

17th July, 2006: I joined my new company. It is one of the 8 divisions of one of India's biggest media agencies. My company is into film marketing, In-film placements and Celebrity management. It was an entrepreneurial venture before being taken over. My profile is film marketing.

Correction... I think my profile is Film Marketing. Actually, a profile would mean a description of what I am supposed to do, which is absent in the case of my job... and I guess thats one of the things I like most about it. Everyday, me and my boss break our heads as to how we can do some 'keeda' between film-makers and media channels and make some money in the process. So on one day we decide that the channels should pay us... when the channels show us the finger, we shrug, move on and try and make the film-makers pay... so far its been a series of meetings trying to figure out what value we can add and explaining that to all these buggers!

Things I love about my new job:
- Its part of the media industry
- It has a lot of challenge and fresh thinking involved
- I can surf movie websites (and call it work!)
- I keep seeing people like Nagesh Kukunoor in my building (and sometimes Mithun too!)
- This job throws open so may possibilities in media
- It looks like I am doing pretty well here

Things I hate/dislike about my new job:
- The pay sucks... miss my consultant salary :(
- My colleagues are not too bright
- Am not too sure if I want to stick to Film Marketing long enuff... or move into production/creative
- No decent women here... so far (contrary to popular opinion about media)

Now back to work... but will be back soon with some funny stuff about this industry...

2006-07-07T15:21:00.000+05:30

Curry and rice girl

Parody of Gwen Stefani's Hollback Girl! Funny stuff...

Shame on you... you wretched human!

2006-06-20T11:23:00.000+05:30

Took this test and pretty much knew how I would fare even while I was responding to the questions. We do live really sinful lives... dont beleive me take the test then!

The Dante's Inferno Test banished me to the Second Level of Hell! and it is described as...

You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's" Inferno Test

Another 5 minute arbit post

2006-06-15T14:15:00.000+05:30

Now within 5 minutes of posting the previous "5 minute arbit post", I am feeling quite arbit again... so I thought why not one more, its good for my typing speed.

So I read this short story long long ago... It was by Isaac Asimov and I think its name was Jokester. So the crux of the story was that -

Isnt it strange that the jokes we go about telling each other so often are stuff we've read in some book or site or sms or told by friends/relatives/acquaintances etc. No one creates jokes, they are just passed on through human kind and each joke reaches millions of people, suffering translations, modifications and narration styles... and the same joke evokes responses ranging from hysteric laughting fits to plain disgust to "Kya sadela PJ sunaya tune!" Anyways, getting back to the story, it then goes on to suggest that jokes are actually programs planted into human minds by extra terrestrial species to check their responses... so like scientists provide stimuli to mice and guinea pigs, jokes are stimuli given by ETs to human minds as part of some complex study they might be doing on the human thought process!

Now I am pretty uncomfortable with this thought coz everytime I hear a joke, I cant help thinking that someone out there is judging me big time! So when I dont get a joke I still laugh, coz I dont want some weird ET in a white coat in a hi-tech lab on another planet ticking "Dumb" for me on his report card! And when I hear a really raunchy joke, I try not to laugh too hard or my phd ET observer might tick "Cheap" on the report card!

And then I got tired of this charade... I mean why should I alter my sense of humor coz some stupid ET is judging me a few million light years away... I thought of a better solution, and that was to negate Isaac Asimov's hypothesis...

So now on I am gonna make up my own jokes, stuff no one has told me, something which I have cooked up entirely. This would prove that humans do create jokes and hence that ET shit is all bull! So, behold... here's my opening creation (in keeping with the futbal mania) :

Q. What would you call Ronaldo if he seemed quite ignorant?
Answer: Ronald-dint-know!

Having read that (or having been subjected to my stimuli), you can have any of the following reactions:
Disgust (quite common as per my tests)
Only-God-Can-Help-You-Look (pretty common)
Laughter (if you are one of my engineering buddies)

Go ahead feel what u feel, and be releived that neither me nor some farway ET is gonna judge you! You are a free man with the freedom to choose which jokes you want to laugh on! I hereby liberate you from the shackles of laughter-slavery!

Go ahead son/daughter... pass on the word and glow in your new found liberty!

(Damn this shit took 12 minutes and my boss is gonna screw me and if you find that funny, you have a pathetic sense of humour... Oops did i just judge you!)

The 5 minute arbit post!

2006-06-15T13:36:00.000+05:30

So I am sitting in office and getting really bored designing tools for an In-Basket exercise which is one of the tools that will be used in the Assessement centre for senior managers in one of India's largest companies who's name I cant divulge because of obvious reasons. I am bored to death revising it so many times over and have decided to take a 5 minute break and subject my blog to verbal diarrhoea (only something so disgusting can have such a disgusting spelling)... So here goes 5 minutes (now 4 1/2 mins) of absolutely arbit typing...

I hate the way women are potrayed in these Saas Bahu serials... worse are the huge bill board ads all over mumbai. The first one has these three bahus shown as puppets with the strings in the hands of their father in law and the tag line goes - "Kya sanskaaron ka matlab isharon par chalna hai?" And there's one more which goes sumthin like "Har agnipariskha degi Vaidehi" or whoever that woman is! Now I would think advertising like this would appeal to women in Bihar or Jharkhand... someone should shoot these serial wallahs for being in a time warp and making the same saas-bahu crap again and again! Thanks to these serials, we are not seeing any evolution in India television content. When will we have shows which will take television to a new level... there's not one TV serial worth watching... except maybe "Dil Kya Chahta hai" on Star One. And if u r thinking - "Hey even Remix is a nice serial"... well I have the two oft used words for u! Tia ko khana khana hai, Tia ko Ghumne jaana hai... Tia teri ma ki %&$&$^&!

Football - Last nites match between KSA and Tunisia was just too good. Missed the one between Spain and Ukraine, but then not really killing myself for it. I wud much rather be witness to matches that are close finishes where one team scores, the other equalizes and then the other team scores and then it hangs on till the last minute of extra time... and then there is yet another equalizer. Last night's match was just that... and I loved it!

Also, last few days in office, dont feel like working but still doing sincere work, dont want people to say that I turned into an irresponsible employee since I was leaving this company. Is it my work ethic or is it part of my nature that tries to please everyone. Am i a sucker of compliments? Uncomfortable questions...

5 minute khatam, back to tool design!

Negativity in Black

2006-06-12T14:55:00.000+05:30

Life and Times!

2006-05-29T11:03:00.000+05:30

Let me take you to a time, when we were kids...
When life was cool, but we thought it was shit.
We wanted to grow up quick, and make it big,
Didnt quite know back then, what a mess life is!

When we were growing up, it was friends and fun...
No time to worry about shit, or be forlorn.
All that mattered then, was my buddies my chums...
Being pansy rebels, headbangin to guitars and drums!

Getting spoilt bad at hostel, smoking and Old Monk Rum...
Not telling at home, coz I love you so much Mum...
But I'm not a spoilt brat, its just a generation gap,
Drinking is normal now but I'll save you the crap...

All the day dreaming, to make it big in life...
All the long windin' chats, and those fuckin' sleepless nights.
That visit to Mumbai, those 2 months in the slum,
I was slogging my ass and I thought I would make it count

And then giving the CAT, a real fucked up test...
And before I knew it I was at B-schools fests
Solving case studies and boozin-partyin till late...
And a few hot women, and one I hate till date

2 years just ran buy and am back in Mumbai,
Earning a few crores, okay that was a lie...
But am earning enuff to feed a bunch of twenty,
Am so full of work but still it feel so empty!

At the end of the day, its my buddies I think of...
Good ol' school days, cycling around non-stop
Wish I could freeze my life, right then and there...
Just sit around talking, without a care....

Fundamental Theory

2006-05-26T12:36:00.000+05:30

You've only got a short time to grab a little glory,
I want to have a good life, not a sad story,
To stay within the boundaries seems so formal,
If that's what life is, I don't want to be normal!!!

The 1st day of my new life is on 1st July, 2006

2006-05-23T16:42:00.000+05:30

So after months and maybe years of rambling about how life has been an unending cycle of boredom even though a lot of people see it as success, I am finally doing what I think I should be doing!

Yeah, I am finally diving head-on into the media and entertainment industry.... on 1st July 2006, a new name shall rock the media industry and the world will applaud... (go ahead call me an arrogant asshole :)

So what if its at half my current salary?
So what if I will suddenly be the 'chap with the lowest salary' amongst by B school friends?
So what if after a year I realise what a mistake I made, when I could have been a hot-shot consultant instead?
So what if I cant buy a car for the next 3 years... may be 5?
So what if I cant send my parents to a Holiday in Goa?

I guess, I did what I had to do and I hope God will be with me!

Thankfully enough, my parents and my friends have backed me on this... and they are all who matter to me at the end of the day! So as long as my Ma and Pa have faith in me and my best buddies can feel happy and excited about what I am planning, I am fine... shit head naysayers can go screw themselves with their self-doubt!

So with dreams in my eyes and feet firmly on the ground, I shall venture into the cut throat media industry... I would no longer be comparing myself with MBAs coz I would be beyond such competition ('Mereko milenge peanuts... unko milenge big bucks')... I would be my only benchmark and that should be nice... competing with yourself...

And that I think is the toughest form of competition and the truest test of will, coz if you are really true to your heart you will realise that you have more expectations from yourself than anyone else...

I guess thats why most people prefer to compete with others rather than themselves... coz when they even think about competing with themselves... they realise that they are actually in the wrong race altogether! And nothing makes one feel more stupid than knowing the fact that they spent their lives achieving something they never set out for in the first place... So the best way for most obviously is to entirely dismiss the inner competitive spirit and focus on external competition which is easier to tackle! I have done that all this while... and guess what... I am tired!

Now the fat checks can go fuck themselves coz I cant bear 12 hours of uninteresting work everyday... its not a fair trade-off to me! It is fair for thousands out there... and I guess they are happy that way... well I am not and I just decided to do something about it....

I dont know if my ramblings make sense to people... but they do make sense to me, coz I am shit scared about my future right now! And no one convinces me like myself ...

TWENTY FOUR

2006-03-19T12:17:00.000+05:30

TWENTY FOUR

Work In Progress...

2006-03-06T18:29:00.000+05:30

So the job hunt has begun...

Called up 4 top agencies and have sent them my resume... hope the response is favourable...

Also, have initiated a discussion regarding starting a business on my engineering college Yahoo Group.. people are pouring-in their suggestions, pledging allegiance to the cause and are providing details of how much they have saved and are ready to contribute for the new venture. I just love the way this group behaves... The enthusiasm scares me as we dont have a plan in place and I just hope we dont put our money into something stupid...

Some hardcore research and brainstorming is required to come out with something that makes sense... and no one has the time to invest in that direction. No wonder very few people are actually able to break the shackles of s salaried job...

For starters you are so fucked with work, that there's hardly any time to devote to thinking about something new... let alone doing something about it. Two, even if you manage the time... and come up with something interesting, the risks will bog u down... and three, even if you manage to take the plunge, your near and dear ones will keep telling you what a fool you've been to take such a step... what what not!

The beginning of the end!

2006-03-01T20:00:00.000+05:30

So... after days of frustrating work in Muscat, I finally gathered the guts to ask my Project Lead out for a smoke and told him that I would like to quit the company. I kept looking for the right moment to tell him till now but when I realised the Country Head would be calling in later today to announce our salary hikes and bonuses, I thought it was a good idea to tell my PL my intentions before the call. I wanted to avoid the chance of him misinterpreting my decision as one based over dissatisfaction over money. And so I did it.. and he took it very well, actually he advised me not to spill the beans in a hurry or my bonus could be blocked!

So now thats done... and I have a few things to worry about

One, I dont have a job in hand! And since I am hoping that this project in Muscat is my last... it essentially means I wont have a job even when I finally quit 2 months down the line. So, I guess its gonna be a month (or two or more) of unemployment in Mumbai, once I go back from here... Yeah I will be applying through e-mail and all that... but its unlikely that anyone will select me over a telephonic interview...

Two, need to do some reading up on advertising and branding if I want to be seen as someone passionate about the field... and not just some crazy fuck who quit a high paying consulting job for advertising coz someone said its more fun!

Three, need to figure out acco and stuff for my unemployed days in Mumbai... most probably my buddy from B school, Sumit Mittal, will gladly take me in ... but gotta bounce this off him once.

Four, what the fuck am I doing? Will I be able to succeed in advertising? Will the risk pay off? Will I realize that advertising was not my cup of tea and shifting was my life's biggest mistake... will I be able to stick on while my colleagues go on to earn nearly a lakh next year? Bhagwaan Shakti de!

Five, have to break the news at home... MBA son without a job... Mum and Dad will have to deal with that... hopefully I'll do them proud a few years down the line...

Whatever...

I did what I had to do!

Just hope this is the beginning of a successful story rather that the end!

Bhagwaan Shakti De!

Back... finally! In Muscat!

2005-12-19T18:56:00.000+05:30

Hi Blog!

Sorry for not showing up for a long time. Not because I have been extra-ordinarily busy or something... but simply because I was too ashamed to be here again... the place where I had written these elaborate notes about quitiing smoking, being strong and taking charge of my life.

But what did i do? I started smoking again at the first instance.

Today, I am in Muscat on a 5 month project. I have quit smoking again and have been refraining for the last 4 days. My chain-smoking colleague is currently in India. So its gonna be tough when he comes back here and smokes away to glory in front of me. I hope I am able to resist the temptation then.

Anyways, have been in this strange land for about 2 weeks now. The place is not unlike something u have ever seen before.. but still I am taking time getting used to it. The Omani men wear these white burkha-esque dresses that I find really weird and boring. The Omani women are too few and wear black burkhas. However, thankfully they are allowed to show their faces.. and some of them are pretty. But they put too much make-up... not very surprising considering the fact that their face is the only thing thats on display!

The country is rich.. I live in the capital city and the place is posh. Nice roads, swank buidlings... but the problem is that the city is only 20 years old.. so it looks like a Gurgaon... a barren landscape with fancy buildings sprotuing out of nowhere... even the mosques here are swank, new structures which seem like they have been constructed by some American contractor. Temples, chuches and mosques... all places of worship inspire real faith when they are a bit old, a bit dilapidated.. these new colorful mosques look more like shopping malls with a Mughal theme to me.

The city itself is surrounded by mountains.. and these are mountains in the truest sense. Back in Maharshtra, the mountains are nice hillocks, green, with highways around it, tunnels through it, with people trekking, with tiny temples on the top, with small hutments on the slopes... The mountains in Muscat are as stark and as scary as they come.. There isnt a speck of green on their surface.. tall, jagged, rocky... they look unviting and harsh... adding to the barren-ness of this land... there's one right outside my office window.. its seems like it must be just 20 metres beyond the buidlings on the other - side of the road..

For the first few days, after a few hours of hardwork, I would instinctively go to the window to have a look outside and refresh myself... I have stopped doing that now... coz the damned mountain leaves me with no view!

I SUCK!!!

2005-10-24T11:19:00.000+05:30

Okay... I met up with friends on Saturday evening... didnt smoke till I had the crappiest dinner at this place called Pot Pourri on Turner Riad, Bandra... god awful stir friend veggies they have. So frustration led to a smoke...then another... and then more all through Sunday. Was ashamed that all that resolve and resilience had come to nought in no time...

I had succeeded for whatever little time I did not smoke was because I was by myelf working mostly... but I hold myself for more than a couple of hours when a friend was smoking right beside me...Will I ever be able to quit...

Dont know... but am gonna try again... so best of luck to me!!!

Lets face the facts!

2005-10-21T15:12:00.000+05:30

When you are trying to quit smoking, isnt ti natural to try and find out whether more people like you exist out there. I found one and maaroed this trivia from his post.

Yeh padhke toh sudhar jaa yaar...

When Smokers Quit - What Are the Benefits Over Time?
20 minutes after quitting: Your blood pressure drops to a level close to that before the last cigarette. The temperature of your hands and feet increases to normal. (US Surgeon General's Report,1988, pp. 39, 202)
8 hours after quitting: The carbon monoxide level in your blood drops to normal. (US Surgeon General's Report,1988, p. 202)
24 hours after quitting: Your chance of a heart attack decreases. (I am still in this stage :D )(US Surgeon General's Report,1988, p. 202)
2 weeks to 3 months after quitting: Your circulation improves and your lung function increases up to 30%. (US Surgeon General's Report, 1990, pp.193,194,196,285,323)
1 to 9 months after quitting: Coughing, sinus congestion, fatigue, and shortness of breath decrease; cilia (tiny hair like structures that move mucus out of the lungs) regain normal function in the lungs, increasing the ability to handle mucus, clean the lungs, and reduce infection. (US Surgeon General's Report, 1990, pp. 304, 307, 319, 322)
1 year after quitting: The excess risk of coronary heart disease is half that of a smoker's. (US Surgeon General's Report, 1990, p. vi)
5 years after quitting: Your stroke risk is reduced to that of a nonsmoker
5-15 years after quitting. (US Surgeon General's Report, 1990, p.79)
10 years after quitting: The lung cancer death rate is about half that of a continuing smoker's. The risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, kidney, and pancreas decrease. (US Surgeon General's Report, 1990, p.110, 147, 152, 155, 159,172)
15 years after quitting: The risk of coronary heart disease is that of a nonsmoker's. (US Surgeon General's Report, 1990, p.79)

The Devil is slowly taking over

2005-10-21T14:47:00.000+05:30

Its becoming increasingly difficult to keep myself from smoking! I have been drinking tea by the gallons to control the urge... but god its too tough! The good part is that I am not hanging around with people who smoke. But the weekend is here and am not sure whether I would be able to control the urge when I meet up with friends at some pub or disc. Bhagwaan shakti de!!!

Shit man, its only the 4th day since I quit, actually its the best I have managed out of all the numerous attempts I have made in the past. None of them lasted beyond a few hours. Iss baar I want it to be the final time.

I am not gonna smoke
I am not gonna smoke
I am not gonna smoke
I am not gonna smoke
I am not gonna smoke
I am not gonna smoke
I am not gonna smoke
I am not gonna smoke
I am not gonna smoke
I am not gonna smoke....

Okay I hope typing out what you wanna do 10 times helps you do it!

A couple of my friends who have read this blog are not amused. They think I have gone cranky or something. Coz they know the funny me, the practical me, the unfazed-give-a-damn-sab-chalta-hai me. So seeing me in a fucked up state, talking like a cry-baby is difficult to digest.

But kya karein... life mein twist aa gaya hai! Kitne din tikega yeh bhagwaan hi jaane!

Quitting to win!

2005-10-20T16:28:00.000+05:30

Its been 65 hours... God when am I gonna stop counting the no. of hours I havent smoked. Its the 3rd day of abstinence and boy am I finding it tough...If I continue like this I will become a Mahatma! Okay confession time...

I bought a ciggie at 10 pm yesterday and started feeling very guilty after about 4 drags, so threw it away. Ended up taking 2 more drags from a friends ciggie when I met him later last nite.. but he drank rum while I drank something called 'Summer Delite', a mocktail with one of those hats inside the glass for no reason. God was I embarassed when it arrived... the guys around looked at me... they must have thought I am gay or some kinda sissy! Par unn gadhon ko mere sacrifice ke baare mein kya pata?

Actually the 2 times I gave into temptation yesterday have made me realize that quitting smoking is not that big a deal... I didnt feel any different after taking those few drags... so am gonna resist the temptation better next time around...

But beleive you me everytime I feel the urge to smoke, its almost like a war between the 'good Bisu' and the 'devil Bisu'. I can hear 'devil Bisu' saying, "C'mon man, you can keep your goddamned resolution but how about just 3 drags, its okay man! It will feel soooo goooooood...." while 'good Bisu' is saying, "No Bissu, you are not touching that thing again. You promoised na?" I feel like Snowy in those Tintin comics with one 'Saint Snowy' and another 'Devil Snowy' standing over its head.

Sometimes I wonder why I am blogging all this, after all bloggers do look for readers and this is hardly what people wanna read about... but I am doing this for a different reason.. I wanna record my thoughts so that if I am to stray away from my resolve at any point of time... I have a place to come back to and understand where I had started and all that I had planned and resolved... and that probably will ashame me enough to fall back on track!

So just to remind myself once again...

No cigarettes
No alcoholic drinks
No carbonated drinks
No rice
No sweets/fatty stuff
No girls (until I find someone as good as 'the best gal in the world!')
And change your job soon!!!

Somewhere between Andheri and Vile-Parle... I found myself.

2005-10-19T14:07:00.000+05:30

My mind had become a royal, stinkful mess. Some of the events which had caused this horrid state have been described in my earlier post 'The Woman'. I used to think, I was far better off than those majnus who run after women... and yet, this one woman had totally turned by world upside down. Okay, I love her more than the world, and I would do anything for her... but now that I know she can never be mine... Am I gonna spend the rest of my life wallowing in self-pity and helplessness? Fuck....

As a thousand thoughts like these crossed my mind, I sat up in my mattress. My roomie, who was till now busy figuring out 'alligations and mixtures' for his impending CAT exam looked at me in a way which said, "Dude, now what?". I replied to that implied question with, "Dude, I am going out for a walk." Now that must have surprised him for two reasons... one, I would normally have added a 'Do u wanna come along' to that sentence... and two, it was 11:30 pm... a good time for me to doze off reading Naomi Klein's No Logo. But he did have a clue about what I was going through... so he just nodded... I was out of the room and onto the street in no time....

S.V Road near Andheri Station is quite crowded even at 11:30 pm. The place was still choc-a-bloc with people and traffic. The roadside vendors were packing their wares... red combs and brushes, 'Chadhti Jawani' mp3 CDs, Salman Khan posters, rings that had F.R.I.E.N.D.S engraved on them, and what not. In Mumbai, people will buy absolutely anything you sell. The last time I felt this way was when I had visited Mumbai largest shopping mall, InOrbit, Malad. But that would be digressing from our topic.

So, here I was standing near Andheri station... I start walking against the crowd... a bit like that guy in that video... I think its 'Bittersweet Symphony'... anyways, my thoughts have so clouded my head by now that the people walking past me have become a complete blur... almost like lazers whizzing past me... I am walking really fast... and I am crying at the same time. Coz my heart is broken, my career is screwed up and I dont like the way I look and I hate myself for the habits I keep.

But instead of feeling like shit, I suddenly feel strong, for having the courage to talk to myself about what was wrong in my life... my fists are clenched as I walk with my head held high.. my tears have dried up and now I am walking... looking at myself as a specimen in a lab... trying to dissect the issues, problems and imperatives in my life....

Am I fat? Not really, but I have been kinda healthy for 8 years now... so I have this nice motorcyle-tyre sized ring if fat around my belly and I hate it. So, I decided its time to do something about it... and I made
Resolution No. 1: No between-meal snacks, no non-veg, no sweets and carbonated drinks and no rice!
Easier said than done for a bengali.. but what the fuck!

I am sweating by now with all that heavy-duty walking. Find a pan-shop and am about to buy a cigarette. but something tells me not to. So, I buy a bottle of water and walk on. I drink some water and pour the rest on my head. Passerbies think I am nuts, I smile as I feel that they are nuts coz I am taking control of my life.

I have been a cigarette addict for 4 years now. I smoke arund 10-12 sticks everyday. I start thinking about how pleasurable the post-lunch smoke would be, long before I even finish my lunch. Rushing out of the cold movie hall during the intermission, and letting that first drag enter your throat and then your lungs and belly, letting the warmth percolate into every pore of your body... smoking was fun. In pubs, canteens and now at office, I had smoked, socialised and enjoyed every bit of it. But at times I had tried to quit and failed every single time. By the end of it, I had stopped beleving in my will to do something .... and hence it was time to quit one last time... to be able to beleive that I may have lost the girl, but I am not gonna lose my life! So, resolution No.2: No Smoking... and since I was on a resolution making spree... no drinking too!

I paused as I realized that all of a sudden, the traffic on the road had reduced. I looked around that I had walked all the way to Vile-Parle... I was not feeling the least tired... but I decided to return coz the chaps back home would be sleeping and it wouldnt be a good idea waking them up too late in the night. My thoughts by now were racing from one issue to another, it was as if someone up there decided to take my problems one my one and just help me put an end to each one of them, all in one night... so I finally come to the biggest problem of my life... my career. I dont like what I am doing? So, I decide to change my career. I am not going to let my education shackle me when it should liberate me. I should not let the need for security to prevent me for doing what I love and achieving what I beleive is my passion and destiny. So,
Resolution No. 3: Quit the job within 4 months and get into what you really wanna do!

I was nearing home.. and was surprised at how much that long walk changed me... I had left home depressed, down and hopeless. I was back smiling, feeling strong and at peace with myself. I was surprised as I felt grateful to that woman for she came into my life and compelled me to take stock of it... she might not be mine... but she couldnt have meant more to me... infact if she had been mine... I would feel like I have got all I wanted... and that would be as good as being dead... so in a way... she is the reason why I live... coz not getting her gives my life a million more goals to achieve....

Yeah, I know that my resolutions are tough to keep... that life again will throw up new challenges, new problems and sorrows... but I also know that the solutions to these problems lie within me... and I just have to go and find them.... somewhere between Andheri and Vile-Parle

The Woman

2005-10-18T15:42:00.000+05:30

The weekend brought a batchmate from B-school on her Mumbai posting. Someone I had loved and lost and had fond memories of. We met, we hugged and as we walked again hand-in-hand, those days, those feelings came back rushing into my heart... for a moment I forgot all that had transpired between us and life was beautiful beyond words for those few moments.

Later that night, I could not control myself and went to meet her again at her hotel. As we talked about days gone by, she got a call from her boyfriend. That was when I felt this intense sense of guilt, lying in the same bed with her... talking to her. Coz her boyfriend is a good friend of mine... and what was I doing here at 1 am, in his girlfriend's hotel room?

I couldn't stay there any longer, but I didnt want to leave her, so I suggested we go someplace near for a cup of coffee. But I was feeling so awkward by then that I was suddenly looking for topics to strike a conversation (all day, not once had we run about stuff to talk about). That one phone call had brought me back to reality...that she was no longer mine, that she might hold my hand and smile oh-so-cutely at me... but she is NOT MINE!!!

Finally, after a brief spell of silence, as I sipped my coffee and while my heart wept, she asked, 'So Bissu, wats new?' and I replied with a question that I wish I had never asked, I said, 'Nothing... u tell me wats new?' She is the most innocent women I have ever known and she knew what I was going through, she wanted to put an end to it, she said, 'I am getting married to him next year.' She knew she was breaking my heart, but she also knew that there was no other way to let me know that it was over, that she might have liked me but her love was someone else, that things might have been different... but they were not!

I smiled, congratulated her, an avalanche of thoughts and emotions filled me and I dont know how idiotic I looked sitting there... groping for words to change the conversation that had come to a standstill. I looked for the waiter, asked him for the cheque, smiled at her and said, 'Awful coffee', probably I meant, 'My life sucks!' On our way back to the hotel, she placed a sympathetic hand on my shoulder, my heart was crying but I could not let her know that. So I tried to talk about my hunt for accomodation in Versova. For the first time in my life, I could hear myself speaking so incoherently, that I knew I was sounding like an ass. My voice was trembling and I was catching up on words, I was talking without looking at her, coz I knew that I would cry if I looked into her eyes again. She remained silent, probably thinking why on that fateful last day of my MBA had she decided to tell me that 'she liked me but did not love me!' She must have blamed herself... but I wouldnt change any of that... coz pained as I am due to all this... I still love her... and am fortunate that I have spent time with this amazing person...I may not be able to have her in my life... but I have memories of her, moments which are vividly etched in my heart... and why should I be sad... I should be grateful for the time we shared together.

God bless her.

IIPM Vs. Gaurav+Rashmi+Varna

2005-10-14T16:35:00.000+05:30

Okay, my posts usually are incoherent thoughts which come when I am supremely vela in my life... but this is about something I have been following quite closely for a while now.

Ever since I started wanting to do an MBA, IIPM has been there with its humongous full-page ads. These were smart ads due to the following reasons:
1) IIPM ranked 4th* amongst all Indian B Schools ahead of 3 IIMs... and the 'extremely' fine print would then elaborate "4th in Industry Interface"
2) It would have beautifully 'Adobe Photoshop'd pictures of IIPM buildings...even the clouds on each IIPM building (in different cities) were exactly the same
3) Lastly, there would be a pic of a beaming, pony-tailed Chaudhri in one corner giving fundas about some Great Indian Economic Theory even though it had nothing to do with the rest of the ad. Also, a mention of a 'bestseller' called Count your Chickens...

In short all the ingredients to catch attention and create an impression on the MBA crazy hordes that abound everywhere...

Then there would be these ads with pics of IIPM faculty and their rates for workshops... The ads wouldn't have any info about what workshops they were planning... just plain vanilla faculty pics and rates like 200,000 per hour. Again a brilliant way to create an impression...look our faculty charges so much... I was beginning to look upto Arindam Chaudhry as a marketing genius... not coz I had started beleving the ads... but I knew there were lakhs who would... and thats what marketing is a lot about... customising your message to the target audience...

Till here everything was fine... I was happy with my analysis of IIPM ads and would think what the heck? Those who beleive it probably deserve it. And everbody's got to make a living right... if Samsung can sell TVs with bio-rays that soothe your body, Maggi can pack in protein and calcium, then who's to dictate what IIPM can or cannot put into their ads?

But then I chanced on Gaurav Sabnis's blog and got to know that he had been sent a legal notice by IIPM since he had linked to a JAM Magazine article on IIPM's ad-claims and to Rashmi Bansal's blog. I followed the issue to sites like desipundit and wow the issue had snowballed into an online movement for blogger's right to freedom of expression.

Meanwhile, Gaurav resigned from IBM as IIPM happens to be a major client of IBM and Gaurav didnt want IBM to be affected by this entire thing. Now that says a lot about the man and his convictions... also a lot about the confidence you get passing out of an IIM. Be that as it may, I vaguely know Gaurav from my engineering days in Pune and hence the inordinate amount of time I am spending writing on this issue.

Out of the 1000s of bloggers who came out supporting Gaurav and Rashmi on this, someone called Varna (a student in Delhi) also got sued for expressing her thoughts on the issue.

So far, there have been a few thousand blogposts and comments on this. Most talking about why IIPM is a huge con-job, others talking about the freedom to expression, a few others abusing IIPM detractors, and a few more offering unsolicited viewpoints like this one. But why isn't anyone taking this up in some way...

Rashmi Bansal, IIMA alumnus and editor of JAM magazine... why dont you take this up?
Gaurav Sabnis, who quit his job due to this.... why dont you take this up?
Varna, forget about it... you should be studying...

I mean I am frustrated that Rashmi Bansal is ignoring the issue and writing on Coke ads...
Gaurav Sabnis has not posted for a while (hope he is busy working out a strategy to combat IIPM's threats)...

And hats of to the great Indian media... none of the print buggers will cover this in detail coz IIPMs ad budget is some 5 crores.

So, from the looks of it... this issue will die a quick death... and that ultimately is what is good for everyone...

Nothing Doing... at the client side!

2005-09-22T15:38:00.000+05:30

Blogging surely seems to be the last thing on my 'Things-To-Do-When-I-Am-Bored' list. Not surprisingly I blog only when I have absolutely nothing else to do. The second last thing on my 'TTDWIAB' list is staring at my inbox and then closing my eyes for exactly 7 seconds. Then opening my eyes, press F5 exactly thrice and see a few mails come in!!! It worked a few times... but I seem to have lost it now. Hence, this new post...

Currently, I am sitting here at a client's office waiting for the project to start. That the project is yet to start makes me feel sad. That the project will start soon also makes me sad.

2005-09-06T18:15:00.000+05:30

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

Snap!!!

Ekdum Senti!

2005-08-24T19:39:00.000+05:30

There was a girl....
Who made me smile when all the world couldn't ... and that too by doing nothing.
Who held my hand... and I wished it lasted for ever
Who put her head on my chest... and my heart beat like it would burst
Who walked with me... and everthing around looked so beautiful
Who talked to me... but I was too mesmerised to listen
Who cried in front of me... and I was ready to die to see her smile again
Who kissed me... and I knew it was too good to be true
Who gave me memories... the only ones that I cherish!

2005-07-15T18:37:00.000+05:30

FRIDAY EVENING RAMBLINGS.

Its so surprising and disconcerting to see all my fellow MBAs around me so frustrated and fed up with their jobs... and this within less than 3 months of joining. All of us seem to have the same crib, the job is not fun! Its such an irony that we got into an MBA course thinking it would be our ticket to a great career and good times... but things on ground zero today couldnt have been father from what we had envisaged.

Infact come to think of it, things for some of us (the ones who crave freedom and creativity in work) are so bad, that we shudder to take stock of the situation and do something about it. How can I hate my job, how can I be so unsatisfied when a 1000 other people are envious of where I am in life today and would die to be in my place! Probably, there's a problem with me... I fail to see that I have a great job, a great career in front of me... And thats how each one us silences the rebellious acidic burps that set our stomachs on fire. Other methods include reminding ourselves not to take uncalculated risks, not thinking too romantically/wildly, of realising our obligations towards our families and their aspirations for us, etc etc.

So temporarily, we succeed to curb that urge which rises from the core of our heart and says: Dude this is not your destiny, this is not what you want to be doing for the rest of your life, this is not something you are enjoying, this is not what will make you feel that you had a life well-spent when you lie on your deathbed! And these urges curbed, you get back to work, and look forward to the weekend when you can spend your hard-earned money, meet up with a few friends and have some fun. Just enough recreation to recharge you enough for another 5 days of work!

And then just when you have returned to what the world around you perceives as 'normal', working quietly without thinking about the future and your aspirations, you happen to chat with a friend. One thing leads to another, you start discussing work.. and before you know it you end up telling each other how frustrating life has become and how you need to break free. Then you start discussing business ideas, real crazy ones and you are surprised at how good it feels at the mere thought of doing something as exciting! But the high doesnt last long, you get a client call at that opportune moment, in one flash you are back from la-la land to low-low land, i.e you cubicle!

So its back to work.. until the next discussion about life, aspirations, startups, etc. Thank God for cheap thrills!
Snap!!!

2005-07-08T12:53:00.000+05:30

The Great Indian Daaru Party - 1st July 2005

I catch the first day 7pm show of Sarkar and rush to Bandra to meet up with my dear Iconos (members of my engineering group ICONOCLASTS) Das and Arka who are waiting for me at Toto's. I enter at around 10.30 pm to see our dudes on Pitcher No. 1. Arka seems comfortably high and is repeatedly told by the bar owner NOT TO DANCE. I ask Arko to chill and he is like: "Arrey bahut dekhe hain isske jaise... Maa %@#@# dalenge! We order Picther No. 2 at this point.

At around 11 pm, my colleague Surbhi joins us. Arko, the babe magnet, doesnt waste time chatting her up and soon the two are on back-slapping terms. We find a place to sit finally. By now, I have given Das enough gyaan about how engineering was a waste of time and now he has these 2 years at NICMAR to make it in life. Soon enough two more colleagues Shweta and Aparna join us. By now Arko and Das are totally freaking out on Whisky and Tonic. Das is totally sloshed while the rest of us are really HAPPY!

Das keeps entering conversations with gems like:
What, you motherfaacker! OR
What Shit she talking? OR
Shaat Aaap! You are South Indian (to my colleague Aparna).

Its 1:30 am and the place has closed down almost. Das has been in the loo for half an hour now. I go and get him out. Boy is he drunk! And now we bright (and drunk) people decide its a good time to go to a disc and dance.

So we take rickshaws and reach Shooters in Bandra. the girls go in first and the bouncer stops us as he thinks he cant allow Das in as he is too drunk. The ever intrepid Arko, balancing a semi-conscious Das on his able shoulders decides to give the bouncer a piece of his mind and while he is doing so Das does the unthinkable...

He pukes full blast on the bouncer and arko! While Arko goes off to wash himself and his bag, I seat Das on the steps near the disc.

I break out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter (2 mugs of beer ka effect) at the sight that surrounds me: Das eyes closed muttering to himself "Main theek hu" , Arkos washing vomit off his bag, a highly perplexed and distressed bouncer, and two women inside the disc who dont have a clue about the mayhem outside.

By now, Arkos and me are back to our senses, so Arko calls KT and takes Das to his place, while I go into the disc, gather the women and drop them home. All in all, a night to remember for a long long time.

Phew......

Snap!!!

2005-07-07T15:16:00.000+05:30

Its my 4th straight non-productive day in office. Am just sitting in my cubicle waiting for some work to land in my lap but with all the bosses out of office, thats not happening today atleast. All I am doing is mailing assorted people and savoring their replies as if my life depended on it. I know these days will pass soon and again I would be slogging nights hoping for a few days when I have no work (just like today!).
And what better time to get a mail from a good friend who is doing his M.S + Phd (what else?) in the US. The dude send me a pic from Miami Beach which he visited yesterday so that I can sit and stare at it and curse my luck for being here.
But then I pity him in a way too. Coz he is living in a place which he certainly cant call home, he lives amongst strangers who shall never be his friends, his frame of acquaintances is limited to a few Indian students who go to the same college as him, no matter how much he might want to wish it away... he still remains a foreign student in America. I think thats a pathetic way to live life...
But that does not change the fact that I would still give my right arm to be on this beach... check it out!

Snap!!!

Why this blog?

2005-07-05T15:37:00.000+05:30

So Bisu (my petname!), why are you doing this? Why are you starting a blog? Dont you have anything better to do? Thats it.... I dont have anything better to do... hence I am starting this blog so that I dont doze off to sleep in front of my laptop. Also, my colleagues are better off thinking that I am busier than them atleast.

Its been only 3 months into my first job and God it already feels like a lifetime. I wonder what job I would rather be doing... and I draw a blank. I think I dont wanna be working at all. Only if someone could pay me for doing nothing, I would be happy. If I were Osama, I would tell George Bush, "Dude, if you pay me 10% of the amount you spend over national security, I will do nothing." So, I guess one has to be a terrorist (of Osama's standing) to do nothing and still charge a hefty amount that people might gladly pay.

So until that happens, I guess I would be continuing as an HR consultant working 16 hours on days and on others posting arbit stuff like this on my blog. Happened to see a show on Discovery Travel and Living where the host travels to Mongolia, has rats for dinner with the locals, sleeps in their tents with their kids and goes to a huge field which has dinosaur fossils wherever you dig 12 inches or so. Now thats one job I would do without any pay, as long as they take care of basic food and clothing!

For now though, I would have to do with a measly 41.3 K in hand, lowly Van Heusen formals and my AC cubicle. Ciao until next time.